


I Want To Forget

by uswntasf



Series: Deceived. [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-28 13:40:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 8,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5092820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uswntasf/pseuds/uswntasf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lights appeared out of the darkness, only to forget your faith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One.

_"Don't fuck with my feelings, Just because you're unsure of your own"_

_[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNGEpjXxS10) _

 

* * *

 

“ _How could I be so blind, I should've done something_ ”

“Christen there’s nothing you can do, if you didn’t know” Julie spoke softly, playing with my hair.

Feeling the strong embrace, Christen wiped her 1000th tears for the last 6 hours. _How did I not see the signs? What made her do this? She was so full of life what went wrong?_  Christen shut her eyes tightly, trying to ignore the oozing sensation in her stomach. All the previous moments hit her when Christen first found her.

* * *

**  
**

_Knock, Knock no answer._

__

_Growing impatient when no one is answering, kicking the door with the top of toe the creaking noise showed Christen somehow manage to open the door. Stepping inside this pestilential odor fumed the air. Taking in the sensory something awful happen. Blood prickled throughout the sandy carpet, water running in the dimmed bathroom. Shattered glass items scattered throughout the floor. The dark hotel room only with the moonlight shining inside. The frightful feeling did not help anything, pacing quicker over to the balcony. Ripping open the balcony sliding door, letting out the bloodiest scream. There hangs Kelley, white skin color with chapped lifeless lips. Her body was covered in glass, blood and bruises. Her hair color loosing it’s light brunette color turning into white. Racing over to her swinging her body towards her, holding Kelley’s lifeless body steady while my free hand untied the rope._

__

_“Kelley! Kelley! No no no no”_

__

_Clinging onto her for dear life, calling 911 rushing them to hurry up. Shortly afterwards calling Julie to hurry over to Kelley’s room. No more than 3 minutes Julie was by my side holding them. Julie whispered sweet nothing praying, to calm me down from Chris worst nightmare. Only it’s a reality, Kelley committed suicide. EMT’s rushed over to our side, removing Kelley from my death grip. Breaking down in Julie’s arms, as the blaring sirens rang out into the devious night._

* * *

**  
**

“Kelley O’Hara family?” Julie and Christen stood up rushing over to the Doctor hoping good news will be delivered. “I’m sorry for the wait”

“Yeah, yeah what’s wrong with her?”

“Well Ms.O’Hara has be diagnosed with major depression, Post traumatic stress disorder, Anxiety leading to Battered women syndrome. We are going to give her medications to help her with these conditions. She lost a lot of blood and need to stay for a 24 watch, I understand you guys are celebrity so she will not be put in the ward. However next time she ends up here, Kelley will be put in the ward. She has not woken up, but you can visit her during visiting hours tomorrow in room 208”.

“Thanks asshole” Christen mumbled as Julie walked them back over to the waiting room. Morgan and Kling came bursting through the doors screaming “Where’s Kelley O’Hara?!” as the receptionist sassed them. Julie walked over towards the couple arguing with the front desk, stirring them towards Christen's direction.

“Where’s Kelley?” Kling sent a glare towards the receptionist 

“She’s in her room 208, we are going to visit her when visiting hour are opened”. Christen spoke softly 

“How bad is she?” Morgan sighed sitting down.

“Really bad she suffers from a lot depression, PTSD, anxiety, Battered women syndrome” Julie frowned, rubbing Christen's back.

“Wow who would've guessed our squirrel was that bad?” Morgan was shocked at this information.

“Wait how do you guys know that Kelley was here?" Christen asked dumbfounded

“I actually called them while you grabbed something to eat, since they were as concerned as us” Julie smiled weakly, Christen grabbed her hand giving it a light squeeze.

“It’s okay I’m not mad, I’m glad you guys came” Christen gave a tight lip smiled. Everyone sat down, lost in a train of thought until they all thought of the bigger picture.

“How are we going to tell the team and Jill why Kelley is not there?” Kling eyes grew wide as reality set in.

“We will figure that tomorrow, let’s head back and rest up” Morgan grabbed everyone's head leading them out the door.

All the girls exited out of the emergency room, but Christen couldn’t help looking back feeling that she left her best friend again, _betraying her_.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have not read the first book, I strongly suggest you do so then you will not get lost. Get ready for this emotional roller coaster.


	2. Two.

" _She just wanted a hug_ "

[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DYfBubwSZLk)

 

 

* * *

 

The girls all arise the next morning, not really knowing what to do. How can you possibly explain how one of your teammates has committed suicide? How do you explain that without wanting to cry yourself? How can you be strong for someone that is so broken? Julie had awaken up at 8:10, rushing out to hurry to breakfast. She notice Christen had already left, so that saved her time. A few minutes later she was met with stares entering the quiet room, she took her seat next to her girlfriend.

“Where’s Kelley?” Jill looked around the room “Has anyone seen Kelley, Alex?”

“Nope, haven’t seen her since yesterday maybe? Wasn’t in my room last night” Alex shrugged returning the eating.

“Guys what are we going to do?” Julie sighed growing impatient with the obvious group.

“I-I think I seen notes in her room, there was 8” Christen chewed her bottom lip “Babe please come with me”

Christen and Julie left the dining area, ignoring all the mumbles and cat calls, heading to Kelley's room.The tension is clearly still there, but it’s not from Julie and Christen, just from the situation. Chris looks defeated, bags under her eyes, her smile is weary and Julie can tell she’s overthinking. Grabbing Christen's arm, pulling her in a tight embrace releasing all her love. Shortly after arriving, Kelley’s and Alex’s door was creek opened, and the memories flew back. The duo shared a glance, to get in and get out then return to breakfast. Christen picked up Hope’s, Alex’s, Tobin’s and her own letter covered in blood splatters & damp wetness, as Julie picked up Ashlyn’s, friend’s, family and Ali’s.

* * *

“What does it say?” Kling whispered staring at all the notes.

“I’m not sure, I’m not going to read anyone’s but mine so here it goes..” Christen fumbled with the letter in her hand, opening it slowly she started to read.

**  
  
**

_Christen,_

__

_Hey Christen, how are you? Don’t be sad over my death, please do not blame yourself. You take everything on your back, blaming yourself. None of this is your fault, far from it. You are the greatest friend a girl can ask for. I’m sorry I didn’t go to you with my problems, I didn’t want to be a burden. You and Julie are the cutest thing ever, I hope you two grow old together and create a beautiful family. You have Morgan and Kling to be your squad, but don’t forget your Stanford buddy! I didn’t want to go on living depressed and being worthless…I had a girlfriend actually a teammate. I wish I can tell you more, but the rest is still unwritten. Until next time my dear friend, I love you._

_Kelley O’Hara._

**  
  
  
**

Christen erupted in violent sobs, catching everyone’s attention. She threw the note down shoving the table away from her body, curling herself sobbing into her knees. The whole team carefully got closer and studied the notes with certain names and blood trickled throughout each sealed letter. Christen's phone rang and signaled Julie to pick it up.

“Hello this is Kelley O’Hara family or friend right?” A nurse cautiously spoke. 

“Yes what happened?” Christen held the phone so both of us could hear.

“Well Kelley had a seizure due to the lack of oxygenated blood and did not fully recover so right now she’s has a great chance of not making it. I’m sorry” Suddenly the line went dead.

“W-What’s going on?” Alex studied the note slowly picking up, as the others knitted their brows in confusion.

 

“Don’t you all fucking get it?! _Kelley committed suicide and is dying_!” Christen screech slamming her phone down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the wonderful fee back! any suggestions, comments or concerns are welcome! I know there's not much soccer involved, but I'm focusing more on the player and behind the scenes then the game.


	3. Three.

" _You're a victim of your own mind_ "

[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BmErRm-vApI)

 

* * *

 

“ _S-She did what_?!” Alex put the letter down and backed away from everyone. 

“She committed suicide last night, I had to find her and save her! Do you know how it feels to find your best friend hanging off the balcony covered in blood and bruises?” Christen crooked out, holding Julie for dear life.

“Where is she?!” Hope started grabbing her personal belongings heading for the door.

“Hope-” Carli sighed looking at the distraught teammates.

“No where the hell is she?!” Hope spatted out looking towards Julie, Christen, Morgan and Kling.

“St.Joseph’s hospital 23 Reinhardt ave” Julie spoke weakly getting up holding Christen, putting all the letters into her bags. 

“Jill I’m going” Hope started exiting out the room in a hurry, she turned around hearing many footsteps behind her.

“All of us too” Alex whispered leaning into Tobin feeling lifeless. Christen and Julie holding each other walking past me. Ashlyn looked distraught, Ali was practically dragging her.

“Let’s go” Hope rushed over to the team van.

* * *

**  
  
**

“Kelley O’Hara?” Hope breathless crooked out.

“She’s in the ICU and visiting hours start in 10 minutes” The nurse rolled her eyes and return to her paperwork.

“Whatever, I better see her you hear me?” Hope raised my voice starting to enter the waiting room.

 

"Hope, this is for you" Julie grabbed Hope's shoulder, turning her around handing her the letter.

 

"What is this?" Hope knitted her eyebrows together, confused at the envelope.

 

"Kelley's letter to you" Julie spoke in a light tone, she walked away sitting on the other side of the waiting room with Christen.

Hope plummeted down into the faded blue fabric wooden chair, tapping her note against my knee. Contemplating on opening it or just saving it, but Hope's conscious is telling her to read it. Slowly opening up the letter, noticing the dark old blood splattered all over the notebook paper.

_Hope,_

__

_Hey, it’s funny where I’m at right now, probably in a hospital or 6 feet under. God I love you, but you fucked me over too many times. I never thought I’ll see that side of you, what happened? Where did all the good times go? When did hugs turn into strangles and Kisses turned into punches. You sank to a new low a couple days ago when we had that huge fight. I never knew you hated me so much you wanted me dead? Well guess what Solo you got it! Continue your career and get back with jerramy. Enjoy your damn life, because mine ended short due to endless taunt and pain. Hope Amelia Solo you broke me and I wish we could of just stayed friends. This is a last hello and goodbye._

__

_Kelley O’Hara._

**  
  
**

Tears kept flowing down Hope's flushed cheeks, every word created a new pain in her chest. What is she talking about? Hope never hit her a few nights ago, she did not even seen her! Yes, they had physical altercations and verbal abuse. Hope promise herself, she would not hit her again, that is not how you show love. That’s abusive and no way to treat someone. Only thing Hope remember is some stranger coming into her room and threatening her, causing Hope to say phrases. This mysterious devious women had a tape recorded and had a similar complexion, which ticked off Hope more. 

_“I hate you”_

__

_“Go die”_

 

_“I never love you!”_

Hope started putting the pieces together, going into every little detail from this past week. Yes she has noticed Kelley has been distant and out of it, but every time she brought it up, Kelley would shut down. Hope eyes widen realizing what just happened the night of Kelley’s suicide. That mysterious girl framed to be Hope with the voice recordings, abusing Kelley to a point to driven her to attempt suicide. Hope tried recalling where she seen that too familiar face before, knowing she’s a symbolic symbol of Kelley’s past.

“No fucking way”.

 


	4. Four.

" _Once best friends, turning into lovers resulting in strangers with memories"._

[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGLh138m7sA)

 

* * *

 

“ _Why didn’t I notice before_?”

Alex rested her head in the palm of her hands, blaming herself for the tragic event that occurred. She was so focused on her own relationship with Tobin, not noticing her own friend’s pain. Tobin was rubbing the smalls of her back, no matter how they ended. Alex couldn’t help almost like a reflex to fall into her touch. This cause Tobin to smile, a genuine smile since days. No matter how you end with someone the feelings will always be there. The smiles, laughs, inside jokes, the passion. How can you still have so much love for someone that you hurt so much?

“Don’t take it all out on yourself Lex” Tobin sighed “Everyone is as blindsided as you are”

“Yeah I’m her roommate and best friend for god sake!” Alex hissed at Tobin, her face softening afterwards. “I’m sorry, I’m under so much stress.”

“It’s okay, we all are..” Tobin spoke softly looking up towards the ceiling.

 

"Tobin and Alex, this is for you" Julie walked over to them, handing them the letters.

 

"What are these?" Tobin sat up "Are these letters?"

 

"From Kelley" Julie smiled weakly walking away to the end of the waiting room.

 

There was a silence among Alex and Tobin, not uncomfortable just mellow. This victory tour is bewildering from retirements to hidden secrets and betrayal. No one knows what anyone is going through, hidden relationships, Kelley’s death, marriages to divorces. Alex just wanted everything to end, she wanted to go home and be done with. Sadly it’s only halfway over, Tobin was silently praying to the big man above for Kelley to awaken.

“Tobin?” Alex quietly crooked out.

“Hmm?” Tobin turned her attention to those blue eyes.

“Do you want to read the letters together?” Alex looked up, biting her lip trying to fight the urge to kiss Tobin.

“Sure” Tobin broke the trace of the two, looking down.

Alex and Tobin shifted their bodies gravitating closer than they wanted to facing each other. Tobin fidgeted with the note, not expecting what Kelley’s last words were to her. Alex huffed in letting off steam, She detected Tobin’s nervous vibe. Alex lightly squeezed her hands looking into those hazel eyes. Alex opened the note gently, blinking a few times.

**  
  
**

“I’ll go first afterwards you can continue” 

**  
  
**

_Alex,_

__

_Hey Al, what are you up to? Anything interesting with Tobito or the team? Any new jokes or news that will make my socks rock off? Listen I don’t know what I did to you, you seem to push me away and not care about me anymore. The looks you’ve been giving me or the absence from our friendship I’m not sure. I’m sorry for whatever you’re mad about, but I can’t help being mad at you. I needed you and all you did was acted like I wasn’t there. Don’t worry you’re not the only one my “friend”. Wish you the best of luck with the happiness and love._

__

_Kelley O’Hara_

 

**  
**

_Tobin,_

__

_Hey jersey girl what’s up? Did you find any beaches yet near the area, I know you love some waves during this weather. I hope you’re okay.. You’re very quiet and seem not there if you know what I mean. It’s funny because we shut each other out, instead of confining each other. If you ever need to talk to me, just look above I’m chilling with the big man. I love you and everyone It was time. Not necessarily mad at you, not happy with you certainly. Don’t be gloomy I’m always with you my former Tarheel, stay chill my dear friend._

__

_Kelley O’Hara_

**  
  
**

“Well that was powerful” Tobin fought back tears. Alex took the time to process what the note said sad mixed in with anger thrilled her body. All she wanted to do is storm into Kelley’s room questioning the note. _I don’t care? I hate you? Kelley what the hell!_ Knowing now not the time she contained a relaxed posture for Tobin’s sake.

 

 

“It surely was, Let’s go by Ali and Ash they look like they need someone. Hope is too busy thinking and pacing” Tobin took Alex's hands into her own, lifting them both up.

 

Their movement, facial, body language and pacing was all in sync. Spark was still visually there between the two, they always will be no matter what. Once best friends always best friends and always have love for them not only as a best friend, but as something much more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry It took me forever to update, had a major writer's block. Let me know what you think and any thoughts, suggestions or anything you guys want to see? Thank you darlings, It'll get more interesting soon promise!


	5. Five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, did you miss me because I missed you! I'm so sorry I haven't been on or updating, I had major writer's block and also personal problems. I'm back and planning to update hopefully everyday of my break. Also I have a fluffy O'Solo one shot up, Happy holidays everyone!

 

 

_"I'm starting to get bad, ... again."_

_[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzQi-lICiXU) _

 

 

* * *

 

 

“ _I was being so selfish_ ”

 

Ashlyn took a heavy breath rubbing her temples. It seems that she couldn’t catch a break from all this heartache. First it was her relationship with Ali now It’s Kelley. Everyone that you become close to either hurts you or leaves you.

 

Ali couldn’t help but feel like she was the cause of everything. Her drinking problem increased by so much and not helping Kelley when she needed it the most. The both women sat in silence with unspoken words until Tobin and Alex walked over.

 

“Hey did you guys read the letters?” Tobin sat across from Ashlyn

 

“What letters?" Ashlyn looked up confused.

 

"Julie didn't come over yet? She had letters for us, I'm sure she'll have letters for you guys" Alex sat across from Ali.

 

"Julie!" Ali waved her hands, motioning for Julie to come over to them. Julie untangled herself from Christen, reaching into her bag grabbing the letters and jogged over to the other side of the huge waiting room.

 

"Sorry guys Christen is having a hard time, here are the letters" Julie handed them to Ashlyn and Ali. The two girls had looked down and then back up at Julie. "It's from Kelley." Julie smiled lightly and walked back over to Christen.

 

The girls sat in silence for a short period of time. Each girl is either in conflict with each other, themselves and with the situation. No news about Kelley yet, days and hours feel like years. The team has been breaking up in groups to visit everyone staying every day in the hospital.

 

“I’ll go first” Ali slowly opened the envelope that always caught her breath.

 

 

 

_Ali,_

 

_Hey Krieger is your mascara making you look flawless as always? I’m pretty sure it is, I’m pretty sure the news already spread of my stupid attempt. Suicide isn’t stupid, it takes away the temporary pain for a permanent solution. I’m causing everyone so much pain, I’m so sorry. I wish I didn’t do this, hopefully I won’t again. Knowing you’ll care for everyone,  I can rest better. Wishing I got to talk to you one last time. Love you kriegi._

 

_Kelley O’Hara._

 

“Funny because my mascara has been running for a few days now, Kel you’re quite off” Ali laughed lightly getting a light reactions out of the others. Ashlyn sighed and starting opening her discolored envelope

 

_Ash,_

 

_Hey Surfer girl, how are you? You know you’re so inspirational Ashlyn, You saved so many lives and did the greatest things for people. Continue to do that and allow yourself to be loved. I love you Ash seriously, I’ll never forget our finest moments together along with others. I’ll always surf with you only this time I’ll be the wave in the ocean helping you along for the ride of life._

 

_Kelley O’Hara._

 

“God damn that O’Hara charm” Ashlyn smiled widely “I know she’ll be back, she will come back.”

   
“We can only hope.” Hope walked in front of us and sigh “Hope is my name and the faith shall remain.”


	6. Six.

_"Let your faith be bigger than your fears"_

_[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyR7yoDBQSg) _

 

**___________________________ **

****

 

“You know someone set me up right? Hope laughed coldly looking towards the ceiling, Julie and Christen decided to sit with the group.

****

“Wait what?” Ashlyn furrowed her eyebrows as the others  “What do you mean you got set up?”

****

“The night everything happened… someone prior to Kelley coming in and getting beaten, someone visited me. For some reason the power was out so I couldn’t see the person well clearly, and using my flashlight I only saw half the face...the person looked like Ann. I could be wrong but, the person made a recording of me saying nasty things and impersonating me with the recordings. I didn’t do anything to her, I-I..” Hope looked down tears brimming in my eyes.

****

“Hope…” Ali put a reassuring hand on Hope shoulder. “It’s okay, I know it’s hard”

****

“I hit her… I hit her once, I-I was mad and I just lashed out. I was so stressed with Jerramy and-” Breaking out in sobs, letting her vulnerable side show in front of teammates and more like family.

****

The room felt silent as the information they never knew about been exposed. Everyone couldn’t imagine what happened to Kelley and probably led up to this occurrence. Hope took a deep breath and started speaking softly again.

****

“I tried making it up to her, by talking it out and telling her why I have done it and.. it's not right, I wouldn't dream of doing that to her. I could tell she forgave, but we weren’t back to our usual selves. I’m not good at emotions, but I’m finally ready to let my walls down.”

****

“Well there’s more we don’t know” Alex looked at the empty hallway.

****

“O’Hara’s family?” A receptionist called from the other side of the hall “Kelley O’Hara family?”

****

All the girls risen out their chair and hurried towards the nurse, desperate to know about Kelley, the receptionist walked over rolling her eyes.

**_  
“She’s awake”_ **


	7. Seven.

_"Keep your head up, keep your heart strong"_

 

[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RYY0hwHIRw)

 

_**______________________** _

 

 

 

The team hurried over, once the news was released that Kelley had awaken. Each girls were contemplating who should enter the room first, knowing Kelley wasn’t thrilled with everyone at the moment.

__

“Well I say who received the most subtle letter should enter” Carli shrugged her shoulders “Make sense if you think about it”

__

“Well it’s down between Christen, Ali and Ashlyn.. Tobin and I didn’t receive well letters” Alex looked away from everyone.

__

“Imagine mine” Hope scoffed

__

“Well I haven’t been a great friend to her either, I shut her out” Ali frowned “ I don’t deserve to see her first”

__

“Applies to me also, I wasn’t there for her at all. Christen you deserve to you’re the one that found her in the attempt.” Ashlyn spoke softly

__

“True, but you guys are seeing her after me got it?” Christen kissed Julie and walked down the hall not knowing the room number thanks to the bitch receptionist.

__

“205!” Tobin yelled making sure Chris heard

  


_200,201,202,203,204,205_

  


Entering the room, preparing for the worst case that Kelley could be in. Christen shut her eyes momentarily then opening them to see her. Kelley skin returned to normal, her blood shot hazel eyes and noticing her arm had gauze around them. The bags are heavier than usual and her freckles more prominent.

__

“Chris?”

__

“Hey Kel” taking a seat on the edge of her bed “How are you?”

__

“I’m okay… who found me?” Kelley looked down fidgeting

__

“I did actually..” Christen blinked away the tears.

__

“Chris…” Kelley looked up with tears streaming down her face “I’m so sorry”

__

Wiping the tears off her face, embracing her in a hug Christen couldn’t help but let tears flow down her face. Kelley sniffled, her breathing became more shallow.

__

“Don’t be sorry, you’re okay thank god you're okay” Christen voice sounded soothing “You’re okay, it’s going to be okay”

__

“Everyone hates me” Kelley voice seemed so small “Everyone is disappointed in me”

__

Christen pulled away from the hug and looked her straight into those eyes everyone fell in love with.

__

“No one hates you, I promise you no one does. Everyone is here waiting to see you, we were scared you hate us. We read your letters and let me tell you I watch everyone. Hope broke down, Alex was livid but also sad, Tobin was about to cry, Ali made a joke about her mascara running for the past few days. Ash had a smile on her face knowing you’ll come back. The rest of the team has either been isolating or coping within each other or just straight crying. I promise you are loved Kelley O’Hara.” A smile creeping on both of their faces.

__

“Well.. It’s not all about me. I’m sure something happen between Ashlyn and Ali and also Tobin and Alex. I didn’t want to bottle everything so I kept it to myself” Kelley sighed biting her bottom lip.

__

“Oh my god, Julie and I with Morgan and Kling were on a hunt for you. We all knew everyone was going through something, but we decided to start with you first. I wish you would've found us sooner, but things happen for a reason. You’re my best friend and so are others” Christen rubbed her shoulder softly, relaxing the tension.

 

“I know, I love you guys for that I just hope we can fix this broken team, I’m back now so my O’Hara charm will” Kelley winked giggling lightly.

__

“Ashlyn called it” A laugh escape Christen's mouth “It will trust me, but now you need to face everyone else okay? Just be ready I’m going to send in Alex and Tobin” Christen kissed her cheek, getting off the bed heading for the door.

 

Kelley nodded her head sucking in air, exhaling it slowly “Alright, thank you and once again I’m sorry”

  
“ _It’s in the past_ ”


	8. Eight.

_"Hold on, pain ends"_

 

_[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9-deYAA5ac) _

 

 

**___________________ **

 

 

 

“Tobin and Alex, Kelley is ready to see you” Christen returned to her seat, as the two started walking.

****

Alex and Tobin walked to Kelley’s room, they're so blessed she has awaken, but the letter has them thinking. Their was too busy not to check up on Kelley that they could of save her.

****

“Are you ready?” Alex looked at Tobin, then dropping the eye contact

****

“Only when you are” Tobin sighed rubbing the back of her neck.

****

Alex opened the door and they both walked in together, seeing Kelley had already sat up in her bed.

****

“Alex...Tobin” She spoke softly not breaking the eye contact.

****

“Hi Kelley” Tobin let out a breath “Hey Kelley” Alex looked down.

****

“About the letters and everything-” Kelley started talking but, got cut off by Alex.

****

“No seriously Kelley I don’t care about you? I don’t care about you? I care so much about you! Why would you ever think that? Yes I pushed you away because I was dealing with personal problems, but I’ll never stop caring about you or treat you any different!” Alex yelled getting closer to Kelley.

****

“Well that how it felt like! I’m sorry that the times I needed you, you were cold towards me” Kelley stiffened, seeing that she was guarding herself, her walls coming up.

****

“Please Kelley I needed you too” Alex tone became sarcastic and snarky.

****

“Shut up!” Tobin scoffed “Shut up both of you, we all needed each other so no one is to point fingers. All of us made mistakes, we learn from them. Yes we should of been there for you, but also even with the cold shoulder you should've been there for us.”

****

The room fell silent, and Tobin knew she had to be the bigger person in this situation.

****

“Fighting isn’t going to solve anything, yeah we are all hurting but don’t turn against each other. Kelley personally I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you and now I will be.” Tobin sat right next with her with Alex sitting on the opposite side of the bed. 

****

“I am sorry, I-I didn’t mean to lash out on you like that, my best friend almost died, It would of been my fault.” Alex looked at Kelley trying to hold back tears.

****

“It’s no one's fault, trust me don't blame yourself okay?” Kelley wiped away her own tears along with Alex's.

****

“Good because I missed you and all your stupid jokes” Tobin broke out in a grin since days, hugging Kelley tightly.

****

“Oh jeez they would of missed you too” Kelley laughed returning the hug feeling much better.

****

“My little squirrel” Alex smiled joining in the group hug, Tobin and Alex felt the comfort they needed since they fell apart.

****

“Are we okay?” Kelley looked at Tobin and Alex cautiously not knowing what to expect.

**_  
“We are okay O’Hara”_ **


	9. Nine.

_"I hope my last breath is a sigh of relief"_

 

_[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ffp5vPyU2cI) _

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Ali and Ash Kelley is waiting for you” Tobin sat down, with Alex falling onto her lap. 

Ashlyn held her breath, following Ali down the hall near Kelley’s room. Ashlyn didn’t want to ask about how Kelley is because she’ll see herself. She have strong faith that Kelley's okay while Ali is having a nervous breakdown. Ali stopped in front of her door and looked at Ash with fearful eyes.

“What is she hates me?” Ashlyn face fell hearing those words “Ash she hates me”

“Alexandra she does not hate you, I’m sure she’s more thankful for you” Ashlyn smiled lightly “I promise Alex”

Ali kissed Ashlyn's cheek “I’m sorry”, she was not talking about Kelley. Ali was talking about what the damage she had done to their relationship. How addiction to alcohol broke them. Ali enter the room to see a smiling Kelley O’Hara. She rushed over towards Kelley bringing her into a gigantic hug, tears welding in both of their eyes.

“Thank god you’re okay, Kelley don’t ever scare us like that again.” Ali pulled away looking into her eyes.

 

“Yeah don’t ever, I’m here for you and so is everyone else. I was about to stop surfing if you weren’t along for the ride, even though you’re the wave you’re also more like the board that helped me.” Ashlyn smiled also hugging her and kissed Kelley's cheek.

 

“You guys.. I’m so sorry” Kelley wiped her tears for the fourth time today. “I didn’t realize how many people it can affect. I can’t promise I won’t fall low again, but I promise to talk about it.” Kelley smiled and patted spots for Ali and Ashlyn to sit.

“Kelley… Why’d you do it?” Ali tone turned serious.

“That I will tell once the whole team is together, I hate repeating myself” Kelley shifted looking away.

“How are you feeling?” Ashlyn scanned her small body that seemed to be healing.

“Better, much better… How’s Hope?” Kelley’s face fell, the tension in the room was noticeable.

“She’s processing” Ali gave her hand a reassuring squeeze “She wants to see you, I don’t know what happen between you guys but she’s guilty.”

 

Kelley took a moment to look up into Ali and Ashlyn's eyes. The way they look plus her two best friend's Tobin and Alex she couldn't help but seem that something happened between them. Now is not the time and place to bring up what's killing them, she'll have her moment to ask. The way Tobin and Ashlyn look is the way she felt. The way Alex and Ali looked is the way she seen in Hope's eyes, well like they say more than meets the eye.

 

“Hope Solo cried and we all know it takes a lot for her to break, you definitely got that girl love” Ashlyn nudged her shoulder chuckling.

“Well who could resist this?” She wiggled her eyebrows pointing to herself.

“No one, glad you’re back and healthy” Ali laughed hugging her once more and Ashlyn also joined in the hug. For once they all felt everything was going to be okay.

_  
“I’m back and here to stay”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys quick question, Do any of you guys find the songs and quotes helpful? I try using these things to foreshadow what the characters/chapters moods are. Do you guys want to see less dialogue and more emotions or is the fine the way it is now? Also I changed some parts to make it more clear, the story has also became 3rd person. x


	10. Ten.

_"No one compares to you, I'm scared that you'll be waiting on the other side"_

 

[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yRK9U6i3yM)

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Hope, Kelley’s waiting for you” Ashlyn patted Hope shoulder, before sitting next to Ali.

 

Hope rubbed her palms together, unsure how to feel. She was ~~nervous~~ , scratch that she was petrified. Petrified of Kelley’s reaction to see her, how her hazel eyes might break at the sight viewing those Icy blues. Walking down the hall felt like walking a million miles, never ending hallway. Hope’s body felt cold, her breathing became either rapid or shallow. Twisting the knob, that had all the answers she entered.

 

Kelley was thinking that another teammate, maybe like Cap or Julie but she never expect to see those Icy blue eyes. Kelly felt her face fall flat, from going content to jittery. Her heart race monitor slowly starting peaking then falling.

 

“Hope”

“Kelley”

 

The room suddenly felt uneasy and awfully quiet, both girls just staring at each other. Hazel met blue, no better combination can be beat. Hope looked at Kelley, trying to read her emotions while Kelley looked at Hope disbelief knowing those walls are up, higher than ever.

 

“Kel..”  Hope tones became soft but sharp. “Hope save it.” Kelley snapped not wanting to hear her excuses anymore, looking downward breaking their trance.

 

“Kelley just hear me out, shit look at me.” Hope moved closer sensing Kelley tensing up, she sat on the hospital bed. Kelley reluctantly looking upward with bitterness, “You have 2 minutes Solo you hear me?”  Hope nodded and not losing courage despite the cold shoulder.

 

“Kelley… the night you decided to take your life because of me, I promise you I didn’t batter you. I did not hit you that night, let me explain before you cut me off.” Hope put her hand out seeing Kelley mouth open but then shut.

 

“Like I was saying, I was not even in my room or even seen you that week. I was with Carli, freaking out because some random girl came into my room and threatening me and I was being nasty and awful things came out my mouth. I-I couldn’t see who it was supposedly the power went out in my room. Kelley Maureen O’Hara you have to believe me when I say this but… I think it was Ann.” Hope let out a shallow breath, as Kelley bitterly laughed.

 

“You’re saying Ann abused me that night, driving me to the point to destroy our relationship and suicide? How low can you think of her like that, she would never do that!” Kelley shook her head, not believing Ann was proceeding these awful things.

 

“Kelley you will not believe it, but it’s the truth. I would not lie to you Kelley, definitely this situation isn’t a joke. Ask Carli herself I only hit you once and that was the most awful thing I could of ever done. Promising myself to never lay hands on someone again Kelley.” Hope was pleading because she knew in her heart and brain she was right.

 

“Hope this is bullshit, own up to your dirty work and stop blaming other people. God stop lying and hurting me all over again!” Kelley raised her voice crossing her arms, she was tired of the consistent nonsense.

 

“Kelley it was not me,get that through your head! I’m being completely honest to you, maybe this all was a mistake. Trying us out again was a mistake, god Kelley I love you, but I’m a piece of shit angry mean goalkeeper right?” Hope spatted out, storming out headed for the door.

 

“Hope stop wait! I-I didn’t mean it like that” Kelley tried getting out her bed, her face softening realizing what just occurred.

  
“No Kelley you meant it. Don’t bother getting up, let me know when you’re ever ready to fix this or even want me in your life.” Hope twisted the knob to exit, but only to meet the face of her 21 teammates.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to write this chapter different, let me know if you like this format! Happy new years guys, wishing you all the happiest year. x


	11. Eleven.

" _I know what she wouldn't do to hurt me, I was in pain."_

_[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ru2Mk72_2HE) _

 

* * *

 

 

The team piled into the medium sized hotel room that was Kelley’s momentarily. Hope sighed and sat in the hospital chair far from the bed. The room felt so small, yet it never felt so big. Kelley took a deep breath and picking at her cuticles not knowing how to start it off, 

 

“Are you okay?” Julie gave a reassuring smile that melted all the tension away in the silent room, cracking a grin on Kelley’s face.

“I’m fine” Kelley looked to her left, staring into the sun setting on the beautiful horizon. Was she really okay? Or was this another lie to make sure people would not see through her? Kelley was lost in her thoughts, the team already knew this conversation will take awhile.

“Kelley what really happen?” Ali spoke up sitting next to her slowly trying not to startle her as the most of the team sat on the floor, also filling up chairs and laps.

“Um… I do not even know where to start” Kelley laughed portrayed as bitter, when really it was confusion. 

“Take all the time you need” Ash encouraged her friend, giving her a small smile knowing she’ll need that to continue on. Kelley returned the smile   _It’s only your teammates, your second family._

“Okay so that night I walked into Hope’s room and entered her private bathroom, a girl had to tinkle. Next thing when I know a phone is being thrown across the room with swear words escaping her mouth. Once I went to check up on her, we got into an argument and I-I was battered. Being called worthless and stupid to go die.. _I thought **I did something wrong, like it was my fault**. _ Storming out her room and running down the hotel halls.. um..” Kelley breath hitched seeing the hurt and anger faces spread across everyone’s faces.

“I just broke down in Alex’s and I hotel room and that’s when I decided to do the thing… Also I had some personal issues feeling alone and not being wanted, many things played into my mind that night. I was not thinking straight, having a bad month along with stress, camps, friendships, relationships etc. I’m sorry guys, I truly am this was not _my intentions to hurt you guys_ ” Hot tears rolled onto that freckled cheeks that everyone loved.

The room erupted with quiet sobs of some while others were still processing. Julie, Morgan and Kling along with others went to hug Kelley. However Alex was boiling with rage and anger visibly shaking, snapping her head at the #1 keeper.

 

“I’m going to murder you Solo, you hurt her!” Alex pounced from her seat storming over to Hope with her fist balled up. All the attention went from Kelley to Hope and it was not good at all. Tobin reaction time kicked up trailing behind Alex before a fight was going to happen.

 

Hope got up from her seat as well and clenching her jaw trying to not let her emotions get the best of her. “I didn’t do anything Morgan! Go ahead hit me, I don’t care anymore!”

 

“Fine by me!” Alex jumped to pounce onto Hope when Tobin just got there on time to pull her by her waist gripping onto her. Carli stepped in front of Hope putting her arms up shaking her head.

“Stop it now, this is unnecessary! That’s impossible because Hope was with me that night unless she did it after she left my room.” Carli turns toward her best friend giving her a pointed look.

“If someone accuses me of hitting her one more time, I’m going to scream and flip out” Hope balled her fist up, heading for the door a second time. She was done being framed as the bad guy, Hope was  _tired of always doing something wrong._

 

Ali rubbed her temples with one hand while the other was on Kelley “I need a drink, I seriously do”

“No you do not, Ali Krieger!” Ashlyn scolded her thinking they already agreed Ali would not drink anymore, _clearly she was wrong._

Alex huffed at all this drama, her phone buzzed seeing that the guy she saw a few weeks ago been texting her nonstop. Tobin glanced over seeing it was _him,_ she removed her hands from Alex walking away. Alex noticed the lost of contact she craved so much, seeing Tobin walk away made her heart skip a beat.

 

“Tobin-” Alex pleaded walking towards Tobin, _not trying to lose her again._

 

“No Alex I’m leaving” Tobin and Hope were about to exit, hearing a sharp deadly voice stopped them in their tracks.

 

_“Not until we figure out everything” Abby shut the door pointing at the chairs for everyone to return to their seats._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I'm back! I'm so sorry I kept promising you an update taking me forever just to publish this chapter. I hope it was up to your standards! You will see now more Talex, Krashlyn, Presston, Moekling. Thank you for everyone with your encouraging words, you are truly the greatest. Currently writing the next chapter, until we meet again! x


	12. Twelve.

_"Don't complicate it, Don't let the past dictate."_

 

_[Song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECRRRcXycjI) _

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Does anyone care to explain what’s going on? Clearly most of the team is lost on this encounter.” Abby threw her arms in the air looking towards the team.

 

“Alex and I were dating, but then she decided to see other people while we were seeing each other” Tobin spat out her words with venom, her forwardness throwing everyone off.

 

“Tobin It wasn’t even like that! He kissed me first, I didn’t even know that was going to happen! Stop playing the victim.” Alex eyes adverted into Tobin’s crossing her arms against her chest.

 

“ ** _I’m playing the victim card?!_ ** Then why didn’t you pull back the minute you saw him leaning in! How would you feel if you saw your girlfriend kissing someone else, while I took the time out of my day to make you a special bouquet! Huh Alex why?!” Tobin stood up, evident tears welling in her eyes her yelling turning into screaming.

 

The whole team watched the encounter unfold, not knowing Alex practically cheated on Tobin and this issue was not resolved. No one has ever see this side of Tobin, yes they seen her at her low points but, the usually cool calm mellow Jersey girl was hurting, **_badly._ ** Alex mouth open and closed a few times, a lost of words that can’t be said in this type of conversation. Tobin looked at everyone in the room, without another word rushing out the room.

 

“Fix it, Morgan” Hope voice was stone cold, breaking the silence in the room. Alex eyes met Hope, nothing but no reaction was made. Alex quickly hurried out of the room, running out of the hospital hopefully to catch up with Tobin.

 

“Alex and I were dating, but things didn’t work out” Ashlyn shrugged not really thinking of anything.

 

“You pretty much gave up on me when things got bad” Ali mocked Ashlyn chill toned rolling her eyes.

 

“Do not even start with that, I tried helping you countless times and all you did was shrug it off, then you threw my past in my face!” Ashlyn eyes widen with anger throwing her hands up. 

 

“Ashlyn you mostly tried controlling me and I do not have a problem thank you so very much” Ali voice filled with sarcasm.

 

“ ** _Alexandra you have a drinking problem_ ** , all of a sudden you starting drinking like crazy. Your family had a struggle with addiction and I didn’t want you to suffer like Kyle did. He would be so disappointed if he knew! Most of all I didn’t want to see you how my family was.” Ashlyn flared her voice, rising out of her chair looking at Ali. “I’’m sorry for caring about you” With that Ashlyn stormed out in a fashion like Tobin did. The team processing the new information, trying to brace themselves for any new statements.

 

“Go after her, you two need to fix things” HAO pointed towards the door, as Ali jogged out of the hospital room guilt written all over her face.

 

“Between Hope and I, we were dating as you can tell I guess? We were good, but that night like I said since people are saying she did not do it, and I-I believe her… Hope wouldn’t lie about something this horrendous. Therefore I do not know what happened but, Hope I’m sorry.” Kelley looked at Hope pleading, knowing this whole situation got blown out of proportion. Everyone eyes landed on Hope for her response.

 

“I forgive you Kelley, you’re not the only one to blame at times I did things wrong also. None of this is a one way blame. I’m also sorry for sometimes shutting you out and not opening up. I love you okay?” Hope got out of her chair walking over to Kelley’s beside, in both of their eyes tears building up.

 

“I love you too Yolo” Kelley broke out in a smile and giggle as she wrapped her arms around Hope, bringing their bodies close together. Missing that contact they used once to have, tears streaming down their faces knowing they have each other back.

 

A nurse walked in the room not really paying attention to the moment she interrupted. She checked Kelley chart and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Oh I’m sorry, but Ms.O’Hara the nurse goof up your chart with Katie O’Hendly. You do not have mental illness or any suicidal watch, so you are free to go so sorry about that.” The nurse quickly gave a small smile rushing out the room to avoid questioning.

_  
_“Let’s go home”_ _

 

 


	13. Thirteen.

_“And when you’re gone, I can’t go on unless I know you’re missing me too.”_

 

_[Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nyPn2dqV4QE) _

 

* * *

 

 

 

           Tobin went as far away as her legs carried her. _The beach was too easy, The soccer pitch was her escape but not a right escape._ Tobin didn’t know where she is at the moment, the streets are no longer visible, wilderness surrounded her. The crickets and murmurs of the animals sang in the air.  The sun was just setting, and the aesthetics colors was soothing for the midfielder. Tobin heaved sitting onto the cool surface of a broken rock just over looking the horizon. Down below was auras of different shades of blue, a lake filled with transparent coral reefs and majestic white sand.

 

She took this time to reflect on everything that occurred this past months. The moment camp started everything was going smoothly. The team was connecting, making memories and bonds became closer. Of course with every good comes a bad; but this time the bad was frightening. Most of the friendships turning into more becoming sour. Only Julie and Christen along with Moekling remained strong. Never in a million years Tobin would've not label  Alex something she’s not. _Now the past has change and really who is there to blame?_ Tobin ponder gazing into the aura hoping to find hope.

 

Alex was running her lungs were screaming for air. The last 20 minutes consisted of hurdling over people and little trinkets that tried tumbling her down. Tobin wasn’t picking up for phone and Alex checked everywhere for her. The beach, skate park, mountains and the soccer pitch she was nowhere to be found. Leading to that Alex made a decision, she’ll have to get lost in nature in order to find.   _That’s exactly what she did, lost herself in order to be found._

 

“Tobin please reveal yourself, you’re not okay and everything is my fault” Alex echo out but the last part barely came out above a whisper.

 

“Finally you’re owning up to the blame” A small voice rang in the crisp air  “What do you want?”

 

“Tobin please hear me out as your friend” Alex followed the voice and seen the face of a light brunette staring right back at her. “I’m sorry and that’s nothing to begin with, I understand you need time. You deserve the best, we all make mistakes and mine was not acceptable. Even if this ends. You’ll never stop being my best friend. I have so much love and care about you so much. I’m planning to fix the present and future instead of dwelling in the past.”

 

Tobin studied Alex sincerity in her voice and with every word she was closer to breaking. People deserve second chances, but hell she’ll have to make up and prove for the damage she has done.

 

“I forgive you and I’m sorry for being child like in a manner.” Tobin nodded picking out little grass and tossing it away. Alex sat next to Tobin sitting in the silence for awhile in nature’s playground.

 

“Best friends again?” Alex was being hopeful looking at Tobin

 

“Best friends Lex” Tobin looked back at Alex

 

“Glad we’re okay Toby” Alex smiled and gave Tobin the biggest hug. Tobin couldn’t help but letting a smile appear and returning the hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys promised you a chapter tonight, and man it's feels amazing to write again. Things are finally to look up and as always you guys are awesome! Any suggestions or thoughts please let me know as always enjoy. xo


	14. Fourteen.

**_Soon you’ll see that you’re not alone_ **

 

[ **_Song._ ** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tdLlWZvG-c)

  
  


* * *

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
_ Breathless wasn’t the word to describe this feeling.  _ Ali rested her hands above her head trying to steady her breathing. She has never been more worn out until now, not even in the world cup or the Olympics she was this breathless.  _ That what happens when Ashlyn Harris steals your breath away.  _ Her thoughts going so rapid that she didn’t even have time for anything else. Ashlyn disappeared into the night, she wasn’t at the skate park or the soccer field. Ali took her surroundings in debt, then she realized she forgot the one place a Florida girl loves.  **_The beach._ **

 

Ali’s leg sprinted reacting the speed of a cheetah, hoping it was never too late. She rear ended the corner street and sprinted faster seeing the beach ahead. Thank god soccer teaches you how to build up endurance and speed. The cool sand thumping beneath her feet, seeing the one person she’s been looking for. 

 

“Ashlyn..” Ali kept her distance between them and stood off to the side a bit huffing “Oh Ashlyn...”

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Ashlyn narrowed her eyes studying Ali’s redden flush face and her heaving breathing. 

 

“I ran the whole city looking for you, but it doesn’t matter. Enough about me, it’s time to focus on you. I’m sorry for being such a jerk to you about everything, words cannot make it up I know but it’s a start” 

 

“Well don’t waste another breath because I don’t want to hear it” Ashlyn started walking closer to the shoreline with Ali trailing behind.

 

“I’ll waste all my breath if it means not fighting with you anymore” Ali gazed stared into Ashlyn features. Ashlyn sighed looking at her sandy feet then towards the dancing pink sky. 

 

“I don’t want to fight with you either… I’m tired Alex” 

 

“Then let’s not fight, we can fix our friendship then relationship. Taking it nice and slow no rushing anymore, being honest with each other, mostly showing that we both care” Ali took the chance to step a bit closer towards Ashlyn.

 

“It’s going to take time… but it’s a start” Ashlyn looked towards Ali seeing a small smile on her glowing skin. 

 

“I’ll take all the time if it means I still have you at the end” Ali hugged Ashlyn mumbling “I promise, I’m going to fix us”

 

Ashlyn cracked a small smile embracing Ali moving her hair out her face to see her. “I promise I will too”

 

  
The two stared off into the sunset feeling content that they didn’t throw away each other in the end. The crashing waves, the sun dancing on the water along with each other is the happier things in life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay, with the Olympics and school starting it's been very busy; However enjoy! xo


	15. Note.

_ Hi loves! _

  
  
  


_ How is everyone? Long time since I updated, it’s about to be a year which isn’t good. I just wanted to touch on reading all my past works that I did dark subjects for a reason. At that time I was in a super horrible place and I guess I let it out through my writings. Also, which I never explained is I wanted to bring awarness. _

 

_ Everyone or someone you know can experience this, and the dangers it can bring throughout time. Knowing the signs and the symptoms before it’s too late is key. I wanted to impact people with the power of this movement. I’m either planning to delete all this works or to keep it. I’m planning on writing a new story, so definitely stayed tuned. Much love xoxo _

 

_ If you or anyone is going through some sort of abusive please reach out to  1−800−799−7233. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been improving my writing and if anyone would love to suggest ideas or if you're happy I'm back leave a comment below! xo

**Author's Note:**

> Any suggestions? go to uswntasf.tumblr.com


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